It never feels good to enter examination venue when you don't know what you don't know, and the past four years I have been pretty cruel on myself by not forcing myself attending lecture and tutorials, and have to learn everything from beginning like 6 hours before an exam. I don't even have the sharpest memory, or keenest information retrieving eyes; everything went miserable all the time yet I couldn't help myself to combat against such sickening procrastination. I have been relied on goddess of luck in many occasion, I believe this day it's probably one of my luckiest day. I literally do not understand a single word during pre-quiz discussion, what flies on the board are all the terminology unknown to me. During the quiz itself, the questions are rather open, allowing me to scribble down words that actually mean something to the examiners.
To be honest my guilt completely overwhelm my joy... After the brief hours of relief I couldn't help but think that how much better would I do if I actually studied for this exam, or throughout university years, yet I kept falling to my knee when facing my incompetence of running along with time.
I came across the news about fire cloud occurs near dusk today, at the same time I learnt that it was not the so-called fire cloud, but iridescence, and further amount of knowledge about it, from the strangers sharing post. Strangely, my forehead hurts, as if scald internally, when I read about their comments, stating that it's not good to spread false knowledge.
Nothing to do with me, not the strangers, not the news, furthermore I didn't even see the cloud, never stating it proudly as fire cloud myself... I just get burnt from knowing that someone is better than someone else out there. Weird, right? Maybe because I don't like the feeling of being corrected, and such feeling seems extremely easy to empathise (or imagined).
I am being really sensitive, I could even feel bits of tears gathering at the corner of eyes. But I believe that signify me being healthy, as I learn things way efficiently through such weird emotion. I have tried to negate my sensitivity in some times in these four years of university, which without it will allow better communication with others, but perhaps not with myself. I guess I have to take it as part of the weird me.
There's this particular guy who's always study in the same lounge as me, yet we never talked. To be honest, part of the reason why I stayed studying in the lounge is because I can see him. I am not sure is this kind of stalking... Couldn't help, but that guy has some of the strongest attractive force effective against me. Nice height, handsome, and has some of the sweetest voices - I never talked to him though, only overhearing conversation when he's with others.
I really wished I have the courage to say like a hi or something, but I really don't want to feel uncomfortable as well, as most guys will probably feel uncomfortable when they were randomly initiated conversation by other guys... We don't know each other, till now I don't even have a single hint about his name (Because I never peek on his stuffs, only his face).
Today we pass by, and I couldn't even look straight to his eyes, and as far as I know his eyes ignored my existence as well. We have been seeing each other too long, without any action to start conversation, thus ultimately we ignored as if we are a tree or a lamp or other decorations.